If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
