i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
