i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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