They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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