A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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