I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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