My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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