What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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