Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fuck appropriateness.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
