I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
