Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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