ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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