she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
