Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
