i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
