eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
