I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm getting married
To pizza
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
