He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
