i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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