If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
