is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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