After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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