So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
