When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
