I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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