I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
