Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
