what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize