she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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