would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Enjoy the penises
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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