i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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