If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
