hotel room ftw
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
