Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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