she woke up with a sticky ear
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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