Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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