My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
