I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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