i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
