Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
