he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
