You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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