just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
