i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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