At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
