They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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