I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
