Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
