Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
