I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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