I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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