i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
