Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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