new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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