god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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