How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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