I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
