so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
