i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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