he puts the penis in happiness.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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