butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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