sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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