The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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