Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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