A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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