i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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