for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
