I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
